Funny UCF Email Subject Lines

It’s amazing how as a student at UCF, almost every email from UCF was completely ignorant, irrelevant, pointless, or badly conceived. For laughs, here are some subject lines from April 2014, from newest to oldest (except the provost ones which I grouped together), with my comments in brackets:

Knights Terrace – One more chance to win a brick!
Ask for a MacBook Pro at graduation. Only $939.
SPRING 2014 GRADS – Cap & Gown Pickup Event!
Be Aware of Popular Phone Scam
Recreation and Wellness Center Closing Due to Maintenance
Enter to Win a Personalized Brick on Knights Terrace!
Share your thoughts on and experiences with personal and social responsibility at UCF [Received 4 identical emails over several weeks]
Provost Finalist Dr. Cato Laurencin visits UCF on May 5 [I grouped all these emails together in this list — why not 1 email instead of 6?]
Provost Finalist Dr. Amr Elnashai visits UCF on April 29
Provost Finalist Dr. Dale Whittaker visits UCF on April 24
Provost Finalist Dr. Gordon Emslie visits UCF on April 22
Provost Finalist Dr. Patricia Hurn visits UCF on April 21
Save These Dates for Open Meetings with Provost Finalists
accepting applications for temporary undergraduate research assistant positions [Should not be sent because UCF has my intent to graduate]
Macbook Pro. Now only $939.
UCF Spring Football Game
Psychology Peer Advising Internship [Should not be sent because UCF has my intent to graduate]
United Way Campaign at UCF
UCF iRepair has your iPhone 5/5s/5c covered for $119.99
Who Will Win? – Watch the $75K Joust this Friday 4/11!
2014 Eternal Knights Ceremony
*UCF ALERT!* TEST – This is ONLY a TEST [At least they warned us about the test in a previous email]
Save an extra 25% on all House of Marley only at UCF Technology Product Center
Community Alert: Off-Campus Car Burglaries Reported
Closing of parking garages A, F & I [Irrelevant because I am a regional campus student]
UCF to Test Emergency Communication Tuesday
European Heritage Week Celebration
Don’t Miss the 2014 UCF Football Spring Game
seeking online military student(s) [Should not be sent because UCF knows I have no military service from my application]
Woops, we messed up! Macbook Pro. Now only $939.
OMGraduation! [Very unprofessional]
*UCF ALERT!* Tornado Warning! [Subject and email had no info about campus or duration]
Volunteer UCF, Knight Enought to SERVE Newsletter [Not only is there a typo, but this is hilarious grammar if we consider “knight” as a verb]
It’s Finally Here! [WHAT?]
Student Open Forum, Wednesday, April 9
Tell us about UCF’s Online Intent To Graduate process [You want me to tell you about telling you about my intent to graduate?]
Student Discounts for Orlando Predators Arena Football [Orlando Predators? Like sexual predators?]
Invitation to the First Annual Psychology Conference [Isn’t “first annual” a bit presumptious?]
2014 SGA Presidential Elections [Should not be sent because UCF has my intent to graduate]
Transgender Visibility Week 2014 [Transgender “visibility”? Really? Why not “Transgender Awareness”?]
Learn How to Be Resilient in an Emergency [Learn How to Stop Treating Your Students Like Morons]
ATTN: STUDENTS WHO ARE PLANNING TO GRADUATE SUMMER 2014 [Should not be sent because UCF has my intent to graduate for spring 2014]
UCF Blood Drives this week [UCF blood is driving this week?]
DART Center Webinar info session Wed. March 26 8-9pm [Another meaningless acronym]
The Dream Share Project- (undecided major or need career encouragement?)
2014-2015 UCF Conduct Board Application
Faculty and Students invited to UCFSTEAM Art Exhibition [They added “Art” to STEM and then shoved UCF next to it with no space]
Free Legal Service for Students
Working Together for a Safer Campus [Vague is as vague does]
Presidential Distinguished Visitors Series Debuts Thursday
A Kickoff to Research You Won’t Want to Miss [Another pointless football analogy]
Campus Survey Personal and Social Responsibilities Feedback Requested